Bruses, Boobs, and My Imaginary Boyfriends Boxers
by joveev
Summary: Oh Tenten i have always loved you and i always will, said Neji and thats how it all started...HAHA in my syco dreams like Neji would ever say that to me. In real life it all started when Neji asked me to go spar with him and i got a bruse.
1. Neji gotta Weggie

A/N well this story is a mix of ideas between me and my friend Suzz, I hope you like it. I wanted to make this story as funny as possible.

* * *

"Tenten would you spar with me today" Neji said. 

Although Neji was asking me to spar with him in his kindest voice it still felt like a demand, but Neji was trying and I wanted to reward him for it.

"Sure" I said giving him a warm smile.

* * *

On a good day I can hit Neji with one small blow and well on a bad day even coming close to making one successful attack is as impossible as touching my imaginary boyfriend Kyo. 

The one thing I can't stand about Neji more than his cold I-am-better-than-you look, is his _Hakke Rokujūyon Shō_ (Eight Trigrams: Sixty-Four Palms) attack. I hate being touched. Epically by a boy. Does Neji count as a boy... the long, silky hair makes me wonder...

He could be a girl in secret. Or maybe he had a sex change. Either way he is pissing me off.

While Neji is blasting me with his stupid attack I can feel myself get pissed. I wonder if he even knows how much it hurts well someone repetably pokes your boobs. If he does, he doesn't seem to be show a once of remorse as he poke one of my most sensitive areas with his damn fingers. I can almost see the massive bruises forming on my left boob. The cresses on his faces deepen when he sees me try to back off from his already approaching left hand.

* * *

I consider my options. 

Option 1. Try to run away... and leave Neji there wondering why I left flailing my arm and not even saying good bye. The problem with that one is that the Neji I know is very persistent and will probably poke my ass while I run away.

Option 2. Tell Neji that I am tired of sparring. Problem: We have only been out here for like fifteen minutes.

Option 3. Play dead. Problem: If Neji find out he lost his one true love we will never get married and have three children (jk).

* * *

I think Neji is on a role or something because he doesn't even seem to notice that I am here even though he is at this every second poking the living crap out of me. He act as if I am some blow up doll that he can reputably poke and torture. THE ONE THING I AM NOT IS ONE OF HIS STUPID GIRL TOYS/FAN GIRLS. 

At this very moment I can feel anger rise in me the boiling steam fills me and what is left of my boobs. I want to hit him so bad, just a little slap that all I ask for, to be able to slap Neji once in my pathetic misery of a life.

WHAM! Omg, I just slapped Neji Hyuuga...I'm so dead. He steps backwards with a pissed look on his face. I have to admit he looks kinda hot when he is blood thirsty but I can tell the look on my face is worse without a mirror.

"STOP TOUCHING ME", I scream at him.

* * *

Neji now looks scared I can tell I am the only person who has ever slapped him. The red mark on his face look as though I might of hit him a little to hard but why stop now he is going to kill me anyway. I run toward him with intent to kill. 

Neji looks at me with aw as I grab a hold of his boxers while he runs away from me. I then grasp a hold of them both and send him flying towards the nearest tree. Neji hit the tree hard and I send a few kunai to hold him up to the tree by his black boxers. Ha...Neji is hanging by his boxers, that seems to good. Maybe I should video tape it and post it on the internet.

Neji has this weird look on his face like he is actually seeing me for the first time as the maniac violent girl that I am. The look on his face is soo pricless. His mouth is half open and his eye wide and big.

We hear a sound coming from the bushes and of course no other than Lee comes out.

* * *

"Ah what a beautiful day to bask in young love between my dearest of comrades. I hope that when you two get married Tenten-chan will not be so violent, but I am sure your love will triumph", he said giving his good guy pose. 

At this point I was already lunging out at lee ready to attack him. I reputably bopped Lee over the head and beat him up until I was sure he wouldn't say anything stupid like that again.

"Oh my, Neji-kun seems to have a weggie", said Lee getting up from the hole that he had made by me bopping his head so hard.

I turned back to see a blushing Neji who's boxers were stretched as far as his head. He immediately tried to fix himself without having to take off his pants but it proved useless. Neji had a weggie and it was all because of me.

"Neji-kun got a weggie, Neji-kun got a weggie, Neji- kun...",said Lee cut of by me punching hard across the face.

"Wha... what did I do wrong?", Neji asked.

For the first time in my life Neji Hyuuga asked me for advice. For the first time Neji didn't act as tho he was suprior or better than I was. Now all I have to do is make up somthing up because the one time Neji askes me for advice I have no clue what to say. I think it maybe time to consider some new options like gaining control of my anger (witch is never going to happen). Maybe Neji will find out that he loves me for my brused boobs and all who knows...better yet who care besides me(a/n and all the people who love neji and tenten).

* * *

Well that was the first chapter. I hope you liked it if not well I hate it well people flame so just leave it be ok. But I am open to any nice reviews. Oh ya and I do not own naruto. 


	2. Gotta Pee like a French Race Horse

Ok this is now a joveev only story thing (I said before I was doing it with a friend but I think it may be time to learn to do something without that person for a change). OK so when I ended the first chpt of BBMIBB (boobs, bruises, and my imaginary boyfriend boxers) I had no clue and even when I was writing the second chpt I had no clue so what's any smart( I think), brunette, babbling, wannabe Rupurt Grints girl gonna do? SHE GOING TO WING IT BABY!

* * *

"Wha... what did I do wrong?" Neji asked.

For the first time in my life, Neji Hyuuga asked me for advice. For the first time Neji didn't act as tho he was superior or better than I was. Now all I have to do is make up something up because the one time Neji asks me for advice I have no clue what to say. I think it maybe time to consider some new options like gaining control of my anger (witch is never going to happen). Maybe Neji will find out that he loves me for my bruised boobs and all who knows...better yet who care besides me (a/n and all the people who love neji and Tenten).

xxxxxxxxEnd of recapxxxxxxxx

The possibility of me dieing of holding in laughter on this very spot is a good 50. I am trying so hard right now to keep a straight face while I look into Nejis defeated eyes. This guy who I have look up to for what six years is falling apart right in front of me and all I want to do is laugh right in his face.

I know neji is waiting for me to answer his question but I am afraid of what might come out of my so very gigantic mouth so it may be time for one of my famous great escapes. In my mind they are famous.

"Uh...well neji I… gotta go pee like French racehorse see you guys tomorrow", I said making a dash for the village. (a/n you like one of my most famous line well they are famous in my mind anyway).

What the hell did I just say? OMG I can just imagine Neji face when I said that. SOO FUNNY. AND just like that my laughter pored out of me the laughter that I held in me for 5 whole minutes. Soon I was on the dirt rolling in hysterics.

I got up still snickering and giggle to myself to see I had no clue where I the hell I was. I had been running so fast I could be all the way in Poland although there is the factor of there being and ocean between us.

I AM GOING TO DIE. I DON'T HAVE ANY WATER, SHELTER, AND I DEFIETLY DON'T SEE A TOLIET ANYWHERE AROUND HERE. I AM GOING TO DIE. NEJI WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH SOME BEATIFUL BLOND AND I AM GOING TO DIE. NO!

Xxxxx2 hours of panic laterxxxxxxxxx

What the hell was that? I heard something in the bushes. I am going to be raped before I die that's just great. Please let my rapist be hot.

"Neji", said Tenten.

No way, this cant be Neji he would never try to find me. Someone took over his body. Well at least I die in the hands of the man I love. I mind as well give a good fight before I die.

"WWWAAAA", screamed Tenten as she charged at the fake Neji.

'What the hell. This is the second time today she has tried to kill me', thought Neji as he ran away.

Tenten jumps and pins the fake Neji to the ground.

Ha, this weak piece of shit took over Neji. I guess Neji was kinda loosing his touch but a part of me always thought Neji was unstoppable.

"What you did with Neji", she screamed into his ear.

"What are you talking about Tenten I am Neji. Get off me", he said.

"Prove it you worthless piece of shit. How the hell did you know my name? You are a freaking stalker aren't you", said Tenten.

"Tenten get off me. I came here to find you when you ran off", he said.

"No way, the Neji I know would never do that he could care less about his teammates", she said.

Is that what she thinks of me? She thinks I don't care about the welfare of my comrades. She doesn't know how much she means to me, I guess I am partly to blame. Tenten is oblivious to so much. I suppose that is her nature and mine is to be cold.

"I can prove it", he said.

"Ok, than. What is my worst fear", she asked?

"How am I supposed to know…SLAP…your worst fear is rats you think one day they are going to take over the world and name Ino their queen", Neji said his face stinging from Tenten slap.

"Neji", she screamed I delight as she hugged him tight.

'I am saved', thought Tenten.

Why is she hugging me? I wonder what she is going to do to me when I tell her I have no clue where we are. She smells like a mixture of lavender and dirt. Maybe I will tell her later when she stops hugging me or not.

* * *

Ok i know this chapter wasnt very funny but like i said before i was have writer block. i will try to make my next chpt way better even if it kill me in the process. REVIEW PLEASE MY EGO IS REAL LOW AN I NEED SOMETHING TO SHOVE IN MY FRIENDS FACE. 


	3. Do you need ice for your crotch

Ok I know I haven't updated in like 2 months but I have been reallybusy (with what I don't know). We left off with Tenten and Nejicompletely lost and since Neji seem to be the omniscient manly type man I don't think he is going to tell Tenten that they are hopelessly lost. You know what never happens in show where people are like lost and stuff the girls never seem to get their period so if you're a guy and you get grossed out by menstruation I would stop reading like right now (I think maybe that will happen in the next chpt).

* * *

"It is getting a bit dark, Tenten I think maybe we should make camp", said a squashed Neji. "Uh, ya ok", said Tenten finally realizing that she was on Neji.Neji got up from the ground blushing while Tenten turned away and giggled in her hands. "Go get wood for the fire and I will set up camp", barked Neji who was still a little red. "Fine", said Tenten barked back.

* * *

10 minutes later

* * *

Tenten walked back to camp and was surprised to see Neji struggling to make the shelter. Tenten wanted to help him but she knew if she even tried to straiten the a leave that was at the time jutting out of what looked like a sad attempt at a shelter Neji would freak. 

_'Maybe if I just ignore it he wont start freaking out on me'_, thought Tenten as she approached the camp sight. "AAAAAGGGG arf", screamed Tenten as she fell over a rock and next to Neji.

"Klutz", murmured Neji. "At least I can make shelter", said Tenten. "Fine", Neji then he walked away. "Wait where are you going", said Tenten. "Away from you", Neji said still walking away. Tenten got up furiously.

'_Who the hell does he think he is always thinking he is so better than me.'_ Tenten then tripped on the same rock and tried to keep balance by grabbing Neji's pant witch didn't help at all since she pulled them down. Unfortunately Tenten had also grabbed Neji's boxers and they also fell off.

"Oh shit", said Neji as he pulled up his boxer and pants. Tenten however was trying to get the image of Neji's white butt out of her head.

_'I just got mooned by Neji. Well actually I pulled his boxer down so I mooned myself with Neji's butt. EEWWW',_ thought a confused Tenten.

_'My ass has been exposed to Tenten. EXPOSED_ (a/n I want you to imagine Neji thinking that with his face all crazy. Ok that's what he looks like)', thought Neji.

"What is with you and my boxers", screamed Neji. "I don't know it just happened", said Tenten. "Things like that don't happen to me. Ever since you beat me in that fight everything has been going wrong", screamed Neji getting angry.

"YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS BAD LUCK. I JUST GOT MOONED BY THE GUY WHO HAS THE WHITES ASS ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. AND HE IS LIKE RIGHT IN MY FACE WITH HIS BAD BREATH", screamed Tenten.

"YOU ARE SO STUPID AND YOU'RE THE WEAKEST ON THE TEAM. ALL YOU DO IS BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT STUFF", screamed Neji.

Tenten halted this was the first time anything Neji had said to her had cut so deep. She could take his attitude and him always being so perfect but not this. Tenten swung her arm to punch Neji in the face but Neji was too quick and grabbed her hand.

"And your predictable", whispered Neji. Tenten then kicked Neji hard in the crotch. "Not so predictable now", she said into his ear.

"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit", said Neji. "I'll come back in five minutes and help you to camp if our not here I will assume you want to die", said Tenten walking away.

* * *

5 minutes later.

* * *

Neji was still on the ground his anger burning. He could barely stand up so he knew if he left he wouldn't get far. 

Tenten then walked through the bushes. "So, are we even or are you still mad at me", said Tenten while trying to pick up a squeamish Neji.

"Just let me the camp isn't to far and you can regain your dignity there", said Tenten.

After a few minutes of squabbling Neji finally let Tenten pick him up.

* * *

2 minutes later

* * *

Neji stayed silent the whole time Tenten brought him to the camp and was obviously giving Tenten the silent treatment. He was surprised to see that Tenten had set up camp and there was food already on the fire. 

"Do you need ice for your crotch", said Tenten.


End file.
